Well, we sure did receive some amazingly uplifting and inspiringly Spring-y comments for our latest giveaway. yay! But out of all the entries, the award for the bitchin’-ist (in all respects), most interesting, and oddly placed comment, hands down, came from “don’t call me a Yoga Mom” Elaine. We’re not entirely sure if she got the wrong post, had so much steam pent up she just had to vent it right on the spot, or if somehow this was her “favorite spring activity” entry into the giveaway. Frankly, we don’t care! She’s fed up with being considered an “inauthentic” yogi because she’s a middle-aged suburban mom. We hear you Elaine! And we thought everyone else should hear you too.
And here you are, the unedited comment. You just try and call her a “Yoga Mom”.
They used to call us soccer moms. How 1990s. Apparently, the new patronizing term for busy women in their 40s is “Yoga Mom.” Even the venerable New York Times has published condescending articles about middle-aged women, accompanied by graphics of an incompetent ditz, a latte in one hand and a yoga mat in the other as she talks on her Bluetooth and drives her minivan around her suburban town. An acceptable stereotype, apparently offensive only to those of us who are obviously stupid, seeing as we have uteruses and wrinkles all at the same time.
More concerning is the contempt from within the Yoga community. I am always dismayed when I read a blog post or an article (and, sadly, there are many) that sneers out at the world. “Suburban housewives in health clubs and community centers,” they say, “that’s not REAL yoga.” (Because, I suppose, for these people, nothing says “Authentic Yoga” like passing judgment on another person’s practice. Curious.)
Oh, stop, people. We middle-aged suburban women who have kids are just as relevant as the rest of you. And, I can tell you, my classes at the local Y are a true Kula. We make use of the gym’s childcare center, we join together, and for a precious hour or two we center our minds and spirits, grounded in our physical being. (And, if I’m a good girl and don’t whine too much about core-centric asanas, our teacher treats me with the mad euphoria of a long-held pigeon pose!)
It doesn’t matter what you think of us, you New York Times, you “authentic” yogis. We enter our studio, our Activity Room, our Community Center as bits of glass. But, our silly chatter blends and melds into one breath, one voice. We move as one through our practices, lifting each other with a like energy. By the end, Yoga becomes the light that shines though our sad piece of glass, sending rainbows across the room, across our communities. And, together, our “inauthentic” kula of women shines together like a glorious chandelier lit from within by the light of our prana. Laugh at our minivans and playgroups if you must, but, remember that we are the fuel in your community machine. We volunteer in your schools, your shelters. We raise funds for suffering people nearby and around the world. We nurture young ones, and teach them the loving kindness we seek to build in yoga.
Wow. Too serious, too long for me. In short: Suck it, bitches. I’m an old bag who loves her practice. Haters, shut it. But, please….stop calling me a “Yoga Mom.”
I find “Prana Mama” to be a far more appealing phrase.
thoughts? comments? concerns?
UPDATE: please note… not directly associated with ThePranaMama.com website, which was first to roll out the term as far we know.
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ditto what Elena said… Elaine I love that you are such a class act to link the original blog, PranaMama relax, you just got some free press. Perhaps we can all come together and celebrate our maternal yogini-ness? Yoga is about community and support and not anger or hostility. PranaMama it’s better to practice Aparigraha and enjoy our oneness than to hold on to something b/c you feel it is your own. If the original yogis did that we wouldn’t be having this discussion.
YogaDork, thank you for providing an outlet for all this fabulousness… so many amazing convos continue on your pages. It’s a gift you share. Much love to you.
Wow. This seems to have turned into a yoga-war. To Thepranamama–your site is fabulous and has so much information!! Do you really think that Elaine is STEALING? Those are harsh accusations. I was SHOCKED when I read that. A leader in a yogic community hurling insults? WHAT???????
You have an opportunity here to lead by example–I’m sure you have faithful followers of your blog–and to us yogadorks–show us that you are an open-minded yogi, willing to think OUTSIDE of the box, and see that there was no ill-intent on anyone’s part here. PLEASE. My inbox is filling up with responses to this thread and it’s getting a bit out of hand.
I am not out to start a war over the term – I merely asked that for those “Yoga Moms”, “Prana Mamas” or whatever you call yourself consider supporting, not fighting, another site already in existence – one which stands as a focal point of my business in freelance writing, and one I fear could be confused with your blog, Elaine. I appreciate your humor, and Yoga Dork’s as well, and I think you’re an amazing writer! But for my own career’s sake, I’m just nervous about the association of what some may consider offensive. “Suck it, bitches” is not something I really want an editor considering me for hire to read and think is me, Amy Bevan. Aside from that, I thought the whole bumper sticker and t-shirt thing was going beyond a blog, and the fact that YD was saying “You can bet we’re here to help spread the word,” made me feel compelled to point out the coincidence. That is all.
Not sure why some of you feel the need to attack me – perhaps my comment above came across too harshly. But I am trying to protect my name and business, something that has not been easy to do as a “Yoga Mom” with two kids under 5. Surely there are some of you out there who can appreciate what it means to build a career from home while caring for your family.
These are my last words on this thread. If anyone wishes to discuss it more, please visit me at http://thepranamama.com.
oooh, a tricky situation that calls for all parties to dig deep for their yoga roots and learnings.
I used to be in the website business when the internet first got started and we ran into similar issues and questions about URL infringement all the time (they related laws were just being developed then which will give away my age…). Basically, if a name is not trademarked, it is not protected. In this case, it’s somewhat of an ethical dilemma as our our yoga community is not “big business” – it’s based on personal relationships – whether they be in person or via the social space.
Amy, the original Prana Mama, has a business that has been established for over a year and she has obviously worked really hard to provide a wonderful product with a particular wholesome, yogic image for her readers. In addition she is using her blog to establish her new career as a freelance writer for some major magazines. Her blog/website is a bit like one of her children, as many of ours is to us. (Imagine is I decided to start a blog called Yoga Dorks or The Yoga Dork and eveyone jumped all over it like it was a novel, new concept?) If your child is threatened, you can’t help but instinctively react to protect her. Amy’s concerns are legitimate and if I were in her shoes with her particular career, I would have similar concerns.
For what it’s worth, my suggestion would be, at the very least, for Elaine to do what she has promised and that is to BOLDLY note (preferably with The Prana Mama logo?) at the top of her new blog, a the differentiation between the two blogs, and link to the original.
In the end, as some have said, this could be good for driving traffic to a valuable space for prana mamas and families – http://www.thepranamama.com.
I wish you both the best and hope that a yogic approach will prevail.
In a way, I agree with Elana that there is a hint of 5th grader stylee going on here. And I’m not so sure that’s a bad thing. I teach yoga to 5th graders often and find their honesty and lack of editing quite refreshing. They have not learned to bite their tongues in a politically correct posture just yet.
Thank you to Yoga Dork for providing a forum wherein disagreeing members of a community can voice their genuine feelings. Yet another Yama being summoned here, Satya. In conflict resolution, each party sharing their true feelings is essential, even though it often ripens the wound for a time. Non-Violent Communication is on my mind as we are bringing in a couple of NVC Facilitator’s for our Youth Peacemakers Training this month.
I’ve tried putting myself in both Elaine and Amy’s Prana Mama bare feet to apply the NVC technique and, in doing so, I can see both sides. For Amy, the “OG” Prana Mama, I imagine she might be feeling some thing like this: “When Elaine uses the name Prana Mama for her blog, I feel concerned and anxious because I need to keep my writing and reputation clear and distinguished from others in order to advance as a freelancer.” Therefore, she is requesting that Elaine use a different name for her blog.
Applying NVC to Elaine might sound something like, “When Amy accuses me of stealing, I feel “insert a sassy feeling word,” because I need to enjoy freedom of creativity and ideas, as well as honor the financial investment I’ve made into the name.” As such, she is requesting that the two Prana Mama’s work together.
Both parties seem to have legitimate concerns and requests. No matter what ends up happening, I think it’s great that such a candid dialogue is taking place. All too often in yoga world, I see us trying to be perfectly balanced beings of light, when in reality, we all get pissed off and feel stepped on at times. Good to get it out in the open and feel some support.
(forgive me for sounding like such a middle school teacher and for taking the liberty of thinking in someone else’s shoes. i find it a very helpful technique for discovering what someone’s needs might be in a conflict. it works like magic with 5th graders.)
For what it’s worth, my suggestion would be, at the very least, for Elaine to do what she has promised and that is to BOLDLY note (preferably with The Prana Mama logo?) at the top of her new blog, a the differentiation between the two blogs, and link to the original.
I linked to Amy’s site as soon as I found out about it, so I’m not sure where you got the idea that I hadn’t. Since this thread was revived, I have further enhanced the disclaimer by adding the other two “pranamama” businesses which have long been in existence (indeed, they predate Amy’s site as well) and putting an additional disclaimer in the “About” section (which, to be honest, I couldn’t figure out how to access before Amy commented there. I had to follow the link in my notification email to do it. I’m new to Wordpress and so am still tweaking stuff like that.) As a former marketing professional, I can tell you that if I were to post anyone’s logo on my blog, the average reader would subconsciously assume that the logo represented an endorsement of my work and not the other way around. Amy’s comments have made clear that she does not want viewers to assume that she has endorsed my rather irreverent commentary, so I will leave my mentions of her site as they are currently… part of a list of recommended but unaffiliated sites that are not mine, but may be of interest to my very small group of readers.
And, in a final word of unsolicited advice, I’d suggest that you might be selling your own work short, Amy. You are not just scribbling in a little blog looking for some writing gigs that are dependent on a catchy name, for crying out loud. Your site is HUGE, with what appears to be streaming content from many sources all over the web. You’ve basically built an online natural family living magazine. As women in our culture, we are constantly told that we are “only” mothers, that our work and our concern are somehow insignificant little novelty acts in the Big Wide World of Men. (Ah, full circle, we’re back to my original comment rant!) Don’t minimize what you’ve built and don’t get sidelined by petty stuff. Market your site through advertising and affiliated content. Push for coverage. Send your bio and resume to media outlets. “Green Parenting” is going to be a huge topic for chat shows and lifestyle outlets…start thinking of yourself as THE source for natural parenting information online, and run with it.
Now, if you don’t mind, I need to run off and blog about how I’m trying to do my stupid taxes, but I managed to dump a cup of hot tea all over my keyboard and my lap. This is going to require some Grade A comic relief, lest I go postal on the lady who STILL hasn’t paid for her Girl Scout cookies….
I wonder if another yoga studio opened in NYC named Virayoga how supportive Elena Brower would be to the other studio (though there might be more of a legal issue in this case). I think Elaine could actually could have a little fun with this by using something like the FakePranaMama (or ViraMama) since this is supposed to be a humor site of sorts anyway. You site is so new that you are not going to lose any traffic over this, since you don’t have any traffic to begin with. Think creative as I didn’t think Prana Mama really described your suburban mom yoga/life as you wrote about it, all that much.
I think most everybody is going to have an issue with someone using a moniker they have been using for awhile. I’m on the side of the RealPranaMama on this since the solution is so easy with a little creative thinking on Elaine’s part.
Freda… now that is a FANTASTIC IDEA!! Yes, Elaine, your wit should be read… but you can put a different spin on Prana Mama and then not offend THE prana mama. hmmmm…
Maybe not fake prana mama… what about:
WITTY prana mama
Comic prana mama
I don’t know. You don’t have to get away from the term, but maybe finding a compromise is the best thing to do here. Good Luck!!
The blog, btw, is fantastic… so keep it going, somehow.
Thank you all for the suggestions, support and compliments – including you, Elaine! Peace…
It’s been a fascinating week in my yoga journey and practice, and I want to thank everyone for their energy they have shared. I feel even more strongly now about my central point in the original “suck it, bitches” comment.
Each of us holds the exclusive power to define and measure who we are. There is nothing that another person can say or do that has the power to define you, to build you up or diminish you in any real way. The power to judge is in ourselves alone. We may strive for peace and stillness, but we are, at our cores, dynamic actors. We shape our own truth through what we choose to do and say, and in the energy we choose to pour in to our world.
My blog has been a going concern since the first day YogaDork was kind enough to repost my comments. I have tried to share the very best of my own unique viewpoint there, and that positive energy has already flowed back to me in the form of some amazing and inspiring new friends. Should a new compelling turn of phrase emerge organically , it may very well find itself in the title. I’m not sure what it may be yet, however. So, if you feel more comfortable doing so, go ahead and think of “pranamama” as my placeholder until the next cool phrase pops up. In the end, the blog will be a space defined by what it is, rather than by what it is not.
And, so, to summarize and bring it full circle: I’m not a vegetarian. I like a nice cocktail. I listen to loud music sometimes and swear sometimes and eat processed food sometimes. I don’t know much Sanskrit, I haven’t memorized my chakras or mudras or yamas. But, when I feel hurt and anger and frustration, I bring it to the mat. I release negativity in a cleansing breath. I choose to focus on the positive energy around me as I breathe in and then I choose to breathe out nothing but goodwill towards all, even when it’s not particularly easy. Then, I find myself ready to stand in Mountain Pose and face the worst of it. Even the laundry. And, if you could see the pile I’ve got working here, you’d be pretty damned impressed. Nothing “inauthentic” could make me at peace with this, I assure you.
And now, I think it is time to release this here, before poor YogaDork gets an excess bandwidth surcharge!
Namaste.
Thanks so much Elaine and to all of you who’ve shared your thoughts and/or grievances – that’s what it’s for! bandwidth schmandwidth, bring it on.
Looking forward to more great conversations, debates, confessions and revelations on YD.
All your prana is welcome here
Elaine – I’d love to offer to purchase the pranamama domains from you, if you decide to go with another name. Should’ve done it long ago – guess this has been a lesson for me. Let me know!
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