We here at YogaDork feel it is our responsibility to equip you with the tools you need to expand the physical and spiritual boundaries of your yoga practice. Today, this means deepening your understanding of the 10 Freshest New Yoga Styles. As we approach a profoundly holy day and the worship of Guru Easter Bunny, we are honored to share with you two of the highest physical forms of yoga:
Hickram and Sevamukti
3. Hickram (hick-ram; origin: Bikram)
a. Common Poses: Yeehawsana, Cow Poke, and Gomoooookhasana.
b. Benefits: Practicin’ in the hawt Suthun humidity’ll put hair on y’alls chests.
c. Contraindications: Yankees. We dun like yer kind. Mason-Dixon!
d. What to Wear: Leather chaps draw attention to and perk up your asana. Spurs provide a festive and apropos touch.
e. Props: Cans of Bud or Aqua Net and bottles of pop double as blocks. Pull the fan belt out the ol’ brokedown car in your yard — makeshift strap!
f. Deepen the Pose: When your teacher climbs on for an adjustment, take a full Rodeo Salutation B (Surya Namabronco). Bucking him/her off signifies that the student has surpassed the teacher. We bow to you and pour out a little Sweet Tea in your honor.
g. Celebrity Practitioners: Britney Spears, Kid Rock, and Sarah Palin.
4. Sevamukti (seva-muck-ti; origin: Jivamukti)
a. Common Poses: Mopasana, Tippy-Toe-Tadasana (for those hard-to-reach places), and Pine-Sol-utation A.
b. Benefits: Cleanse the ashram and your soul simultaneously.
c. Cautions: Watch for head-swelling holier-than-thou-ness and extreme elevation of self-importance.
d. Props: Cleaning rag (doubles as a Savasana eye cover). Feather duster (put it on your bottom for Peacock and truly feel the pose).
e. Beginner’s Tip: Improve your Kumbhaka (breath retention) while taking Toiletscrubasana.
f. Variations: Adopt an army of accountants (they don’t have sh*t to do now that April 15th has come and gone). Teach them yoga. Let them spread your word.
g. Celebrity Practitioners: Brangelina, Bono, and Oprah. People who do so much good are allowed to have only one name.
Next week: Part 3!
Read: Part 1 Yoga Style Guide: Intro to Ashholetanga + Howmuchlongar
——
Lo is a writer who lives for mystery and intrigue. Her great loves include Vinyasa Flow, Kundalini, and making up stories about marshmallow Peeps. She finds joy in the small things: practicing yoga in wellies, cultivating her natural impishness, and writing bios in third person. Lo can often be found sipping Earl Grey tea while plotting world domination and resides at yisforyogini.com.
——
Earlier…
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
This must have been written by someone not from the South. Nobody here calls it pop. It’s just generally coke.
busted! i am, however, 3/4 Southern…just never actually lived there. it’s in the blood, though. take pity on someone who is only a quarter Yankee and liked the old-timey sound of “pop.”
but also hilarious none the less.
HAH! Love it!
If I could convince my hubs that Natty Lite was a yoga prop, he might just join me
(Yes, he drinks shit beer. No, I don’t know why.)
{ 2 trackbacks }